Sunday, September 12, 2010
Good morning, everyone. It is just past 5am and I have already had quite a day. At 3:15am I was woken by the siren. I rose from bed and walked around the house, swatting at light switches and trying to find the source of it. We are deep in the woods. There are no sirens. But I could hear it outside somewhere, off in the distance, just over the tops of the trees.
Yesterday I noticed some strange things happening again. With the sun in my eyes the high pitch in my ears blared again. When I closed and opened my eyes, the pitch changed. Light relating to pitch change has been an issue before with my ear ringing. It hasn't been that way for a while, but here it was again.
By 4am the siren fell mute and I returned to bed. At 4:27am, it returned (a little louder) and I rose again. I was now fully awake. And now our dog Noah had to go out. When I let him outside I followed him so I could look up at the stars.
The screaming startled me. It was off in the distance. Make no mistake, it was a stadium full of people screaming, just beyond the treetops. This was not screaming I was imagining in my head. This was actual terrified screams I was hearing.
I slapped myself -- hard -- to make the screaming stop. Like switching channels on a radio, the noise changed to music, a loud chorus of low brass instruments alternating between two chords, just beyond the treetops. I was completely awake, not groggy.
MJ greeted me at the door when I returned inside with Noah. She saw how I was visibly shaken, almost in tears.
I am not going to allow myself become a victim of this. As I write these very words those two brass chords are sounding outside, right now. They are real, and yet they are only real because I am choosing to hear them. I can see how people can be driven insane by this phenomenon, and I must find a way to stop it right from the start. I cannot let this spiral out of control because it really will [end of sentence deleted by me on the second reading.]
In two more days I have an MRI (that has been scheduled for a while) so I don't see much point in running to a doctor. As soon as I post this I am going to lie down and try to relax, or distract myself with reading or a crossword. Sirens, screaming, brass music. It has been a loud morning.
I will make this stop. I have to.
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I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes for a restful few days ahead before the MRI!